HER DRUG OF CHOICE

“How’s my little princess doing down there?”

 

She lifts her tiny little head up to grin at the humongous man who towers over her and squeals as he picks her up, unable to contain her excitement.

 

“Look at what I’ve got you, little princess.”

 

She tears her gaze away from the familiar face in front of her and turns to look at where he is pointing. Glass shards stained with red are scattered all over the floor.

 

Her temples begin to pound as she feels a ringing in her ears. She can’t seem to move as her eyes begin to blur from the tears that begin to form. She turns around to look at the man behind her. He carries an empty frame in one hand and in the other a clenched fist. His face is hard to make out, but she can sense the rage which emanates from him. But it is okay. She feels a sense of comfort in knowing the man before her. After all, this could only mean that he is looking out for her and cares for her. It is passion. It is love.

 

As a child, a girl is expected to be ‘cute’ and ‘small’ and ‘docile’. She is expected to be submissive and well mannered, unlike her ‘roguish’ counterpart. She must smile and be gentle with her surroundings, unlike a boy, who is expected to be mischievous. The fighting spirit in her is extinguished over the years – she is taught to believe that if she fights, she will be labeled as aggressive and ‘masculine’, something she should never aspire to be. After all, it is wrong and socially unacceptable.

 

On the other hand, any aggressive behavior towards a girl is written off. Because if a boy is rude to her, it actually means he likes her.  As a result, she becomes used to this treatment, and when a grown man treats her like she is dirt, she is lead to believe that the man who treats her poorly is actually doing it out of love for her.

 

So, for as long as she can remember, her self-confidence has crumbled as the boys around her judged her every move.  Abuse became her new normal. As the ‘weaker sex’ she bears a larger burden than any other. She is always wrong and never good enough.

 

She is too ‘loud-mouthed’ or too ‘quiet’; too ‘feminine’ or just a bit ‘masculine’. She is flawed heavily and thus deserves the greatest punishment she can bear. Pain has become her drug of choice.

 

-By T.

 

 

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