Seize the day.
If nothing else, I am astonished by the sheer ubiquity of this phrase. It is littered on our Instagram profiles and on countless motivational quotes. Like a watchful desi aunty, it seems to judge our every move, tut-tutting as we waste our time in idleness. It prompts us to strive ceaselessly towards perfection and like wolves howling at the moon, longingly look at the infinite that will never be our reality.
Yet tonight I can’t help but wonder.
What if we have it all wrong?
Maybe it is not up to us to seize the day.
Maybe the day seizes us.
I think it was when I heard you laugh. It was the first ray of sunshine after a sleepless night. It was the clinking of wind chimes that accompanied the cool winter air. It was a torrent of joy and peace and fulfillment that rushed into my ears and filled my soul. And for the first time in a long time, it felt like everything wasn’t terrible.
But it disarmed me. You locked me up within the walls of my own helplessness and threw away the key. I think I will always remember today as the day when all I wanted to do was to tell you I love you. But I didn’t. And I find myself feeling strangely okay with it. After all, it’s not as if I expect you to love me back. You exist. And for me that’s enough.
I mean, what is love but a creation of our feeble mortal minds in a universe that couldn’t care less? We are but tiny lumps of clay on an insignificant rock hurtling through the nothingness. Maybe love makes us feel like something more, even if just for a second. And maybe some of us are destined to hold on to that second for the rest of our lives.
I am writing this down because maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and I will not think any of these thoughts again. I guess this story is my way of holding on to this feeling. Because even though you might never know how I feel, I don’t feel terrible.
Right now, not terrible is a pretty good thing.
Siddhanth Satapathy, 12 ISC